Monday, July 11, 2011

How Kaiser made me a liar: my (maybe) real last day pregnant

So... The Plan, as we left it, was to wake up at 6:30, make coffee, get up again at 7, take a shower, try to get into the hospital around 7:30 or 8, and get this ball rolling.

What REALLY happened was:

Wake up to use the bathroom at 5. Unable to sleep, stay awake til 6:30. Ask TJ to make coffee since I am le tired and would LOVE that extra 30 minutes. Still can't sleep. Get out of bed at 7, take a shower. Call hospital to check bed availability. Am told they are full, but I should call back around 9.

TJ needs to go to work for a few hours to finish some time sensitive things, so I call my mom and ask her to come down, to make sure she's with me when I get admitted to the hospital, because I am a super mommy's girl and a wimp. She obliges.

Due to traffic mom arrives shortly after 9. I have just called the hospital and have been told to call back again around 1 because they still don't have a room for me. Mom and Angie and I chill int he living room for a bit, chatting. Around 11 we decide food is a fabulous idea and run to Safeway (a local grocery with a fabulous deli counter) for sandwiches. By the time we return TJ is back from his time sensitive stuff. My mother has also at this point called my brother to tell him what's going on, and ask if he'd like to come down. He starts down.

He gets here just after 1, when I have called the hospital and been asked to call back, around 2:30, because that's when they do the patient transfers from Labor and Delivery to Mom and Baby (from the sweating rooms to the sleeping rooms).

I call back around 2:30, only to be put immediately on hold with no operator answering after 15 rings. I call back and the line is busy. I call again in three minutes, still busy. Rinse repeat until almost 3, when I reach someone and am told to call back again between 5 and 6.

I'm feeling anxious now and need something to take my mind off the day. Luckily (?) someone (OK it was probably me) has locked Chimi in the bathroom so he can eat, and has also forgotten to let him out. If you're familiar with diabetic people you probably realize Chimi needs to pee pretty soon after he eats. There is no litterbox int he room that holds him captive. I am stupid, but am also now distracted by the need to do some laundry, including the bathroom rug. I also put on a movie (The Secret of Nimh, a favorite from childhood) and try to forget that I've been awake for almost 12 hours now on about 4 hours of sleep. My mother suggests we take some time outside to get some air, so we go sit by the pool in the chaise lounge thingies they have, until just after 5.

At which point I call again, and am told that 1) there are a lot of women who just aren't delivering, and they've been there all day and 2) I am the second name on the list of people waiting to be induced.It is suggested that I call back around 8. We go back into the apartment to find that while my darling husband has assembled the crib tent, it does not fit our crib.

As you can imagine, at this point I am tired, uncomfortable, irritated, starting to get REALLY anxious, and am approaching hunger again. We (all 5 of us) decide to go get a light dinner, since I really shouldn't eat too much if I'm going to be induced, and seriously, how much longer could this take? We go grab some Japanese food (as much as I want sushi I have teriyaki chicken and gyoza with 4 pieces of fake California roll like a good pregnant woman) and return home in slightly better (and more sugared) spirits. It is now 7pm, so mom and I decide to kill time the way we used to when I was growing up: crosswords. My Nook is fully charged and loaded with hundreds of them, so we fire it up and knock one out. This takes about an hour, because we have a few giggle fits trying to name all The Waltons. Which brings us to 8 o'clock

 So I call the hospital again. And am informed that there has been one delivery in the past hour, that they are cleaning that room and transferring the patient to Mom and Baby, and that the lady who is number 1 on the list (remember, I am number 2--and feeling like it) will get that room, and if there are any more openings I will be called in. They do not suggest that I call back, instead opting for the "We can call you at any time, right? Like even at 3am?" approach. I get the feeling they are tired of me calling and suggesting that some women in there need to have C-sections, that I have to be on IV antibiotics for a while and am happy to do that in the waiting room, that I will bring them all free Slurpees or coffee or whatever their hearts desire if they can just GET THE BABY OUT OF ME.

Which brings us mostly to now, with the exception of my mom and brother dancing around the middle-of-the-week business rush to get a hotel in the area so they don't have to drive the hour back to where they live only to turn around after almost no sleep and drive back. Which actually turned convoluted and involved more than the average amount of effort.

ie. Still no baby. This is worse than trying to schedule cable installation.

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